loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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