I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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