Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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