Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
