Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
