Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
