Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
