Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
