She is in my trunk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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