You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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