well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
