Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
