well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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