in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
