I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
