yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
