i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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