He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My bed smells like the plague
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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