I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
