I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if only i could text you this smell
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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