haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
