Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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