and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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