I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm just crazy horny about you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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