my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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