We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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