haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i now understand why vodka
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
