Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
