Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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