There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
