her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
