Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this just has baby written all over it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
