Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
