he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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