Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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