I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
