Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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