Umm I'm too high to move.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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