Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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