Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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