it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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