We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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