smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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