I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
