i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
