whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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