i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
