dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
