awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
