There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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