So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
