I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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