I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
