Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
