Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
