Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
