i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
