Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
