A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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