We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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