the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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