I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize