have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize