I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize