One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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