I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
