I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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