I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
