what if every blade of grass was a penis?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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