I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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