allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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