Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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