yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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