nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
