Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
