My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
