I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
