Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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