I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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