I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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