At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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